Sort out the three conversations
Stop arguing about who's right: explore each other's stories
Don't assume they meant it: disentangle intent from impact
4tAbandon blame: map the contribution system
Have your feelings (or they will have you)
Ground your identity: ask yourself what's at stake
What's your purpose?: when to raise it and when to let go
Getting started: begin from the third story
Learning: listen from the inside out
Expression: speak for yourself with clarity and power
Problem-solving: take the lead
Putting it all together
Ten questions people ask about difficult conversations
It sounds like you're saying everything is relative. Aren't some thing just true, and can't someone simply be wrong
- What if the other person really does have bad intentions
lying, bullying, or intentionally derailing the convesation to get what they want?
What if the other person is genuinely difficult, perhaps even mentally ill?
How does this work with someone who has all the power
like my boss?
If I'm the boss/parent, why can't I just tell my subordinates/children what to do?
Isn't this a very American approach? How does it work in other cultures?
What about conversations that aren't face to face? What should I do differntly if I'm on the phone or e-mail?
Why do you advise people to "bring feelings into the workplace"? I'm not a therapist, and shouldn't business decisions be made on the merits?
Who has time for all this in the real world?
My identity conversation keeps getting stuck in either-or: I'm perfect or I'm horrible. I can't seem to get past that. What can I do?
A road map to Difficult conversations
Notes on some relevant organizations.